I was sexually abused by the “leader” of the band that I was part of, in Berlin. He was also my best friend at this moment. When I started to talk about it I was simply not taken seriously. If my friends actually wanted to have an opinion of it, they blamed (and still blame) my partner, for me “getting away” from the friends circle. Of course I left the band too. He and all the people around him (that were like a family to me) still use spaces of all kind  I decided not to use anymore. That includes feminist and queer spaces, music venues, bars, soli events, political events, and more. This was years ago, but I still feel like shit. It never ends. He and his friends still take up space, and very rarely it happens that this is known and he is not allowed to play a gig somewhere, but it is not enough. And of course, I’m the one to blame.